The room is crowded with Her Majesty's OFFICERS, MERCHANTS and their LADIES. The men are smoking cheroots, drinking gingerbeer, etc., talking, laughing and playing billiards. Someone always seems to be calling out "Boy!" to gain the attention of one of the busy Chinese WAITERS to order a drink.

The MEN are divided into two groups: an older group including SIR JOHN BOWRING and GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS and a younger, more rowdy group of WEALTHY MERCHANTS and MILITARY OFFICERS.

Also present are the merchants and traders who tangled with BOWRING earlier in the play.

AVERY and TAYLOR are with BOWRING's group and, along with BOWRING and the older MEN, they are playing billiards while the younger MEN are clinking tankards and singing. (BOWRING does not sing)

DAMN THEIR EYES IF EVER THEY TRIES
TO ROB A POOR MAN OF HIS BEER!
DAMN THEIR EYES AND ALL OF THEIR LIES
FROM CHINA TO BUCKINGHAMSHIRE!

ALMOND EYES AND EASTERN SKIES
I SAY GIVE THE CHINAMAN A CHEER!

BUT DAMN THEIR EYES IF EVER THEY TRIES
TO BRING ONE OF THEM IN HERE!

YOU REALIZE I ABHOR GOODBYES

A HANKY TO WIPE YOUR TEAR!

BUT DAMN THEIR EYES IF IT'S A SURPRISE
HE WON'T BE AROUND NEXT YEAR!

Would you care to make your implication more specific?

Implication? Why, I intended no 'implication,' Sir John. It's just that life being what it is, one never knows where one will be from one year to the next.

And I suppose with your powerful supporters in London you and your friends are certain of success in having me recalled, is that it?

Well, it is true that successful men dislike being lectured to by a failed businessman who was given the governorship of Hong Kong as a dying man might grasp at a life preserver.

Successful men?! It is clear to me that in this colony the more successful a man like you becomes, the more his activities bear scrutiny!

I dare say I will have my success when the next mail arrives from London and you find you're on your way out.

Until I am out, I would watch my tongue if I were you!

My God, someone should do something to stop this!

Yeess. I suppose one should.

Well, if no one else will act, I will.

Hi, there! How ya doin'?

I jush arrived from Shan!.. Fran!.. Shishco!

I...never...would...have...guessed.

Well, shir, ish true. And I wish to know someshing that I can't seem to figger out: jush how dosh - (almost spills his drink on the MERCHANT) oops! Jush how dosh a fella achieve shuccesh in this town, anyway?

HOW DOES ONE ACHIEVE SUCCESS IN HONG KONG? EVERY GENTLEMAN WEARS FROCK COAT AND HIGH
SILK TOPPER;

BUT, DESPITE HIS DRESS, HE'D BE UNLIKELY TO BELONG NEVER WOULD BELONG
IF HIS CONDUCT WAS CONSIDERED TO BE ANYTHING LESS THAN PROPER!

OOOH!

CHINAMEN, MANDARINS, FEVER AND BOILS!

COLONIAL FEVER, BILLIARDS AND BEER

I'D LIKE TO FLEE TO LONDON THIS YEAR

OOOH, SUNSTROKES AND SHIPWRECKS, MOSQUITOES, TYPHOONS!
WAIST COATS AND WHISKEY, WHALEBONE AND WINE

IF I WERE RICH I'D SURELY RESIGN!

SURELY I'D RESIGN!

HOW DOES ONE ACHIEVE SUCCESS IN HONG KONG?
FOR A GENTLEMAN OF FASHION THERE'S NO OBSTRUCTION;
BUT OF ALL MISTAKES, IT WOULD BE SERIOUSLY WRONG
RUINOUSLY WRONG
TO ARRIVE WITHOUT A PROPER LETTER OF INTRODUCTION!

OOOH!

HOUSE COOLIES HOPING TO CHOP OFF OUR HEADS

COLONIAL FEVER, BILLIARDS AND BEER

IS IT MY FATE TO REST IN PEACE HERE?

OOOH!

BANKRUPTCY, BANKERS AND FAILURE, DISGRACE!

WAIST COATS AND WHISKEY, WHALEBONE AND WINE

HOW I WOULD LOVE JUST ONE CONCUBINE!

JUST ONE CONCUBINE!

DAMN THEIR EYES IF EVER THEY TRIES
TO ROB A POOR MAN OF HIS BEER!
DAMN THEIR EYES IF EVER THEY TRIES
TO BRING ONE OF THEM...IN HERE!

HOW DOES ONE ACHIEVE SUCCESS IN HONG KONG
EVERY GENTLEMAN OWNS HORSES AND PHAETON CARRIAGE;

AND RESISTING ALL TEMPTATION NO MATTER HOW STRONG
LASCIVIOUSLY STRONG
HE CONCENTRATES ON-

PROFIT WHEN CONTEMPLATING MARRIAGE!

OOOH!

PIRATES ATTACKING OUR SHIPS IN THE BAY!

COLONIAL FEVER, BILLIARDS AND BEER

IS A SHIP SET TO LEAVE AT THE PIER?

OOOH!

SNOBBERY, SNUBBING AND GOSSIP GALORE!

WAIST COATS AND WHISKEY, WHALEBONE AND WINE

IF I COULD LEAVE, I'D SING AULD LANG SYNE!

SING SWEET AULD LANG SYNE!

What is it, John?

Lt. Wilson has information from one of his Chinese informants about some kind of smuggling operation going on tonight. He's not sure what, but whatever it is will most likely be coming in from Kowloon.

All right. Lieutenant, post as many guards as you need to intercept any small boat coming in from the direction of the mainland. We can't stop them all but we might be lucky.

Yes sir. Right away, sir.

And shall I post a warning to residents, sir?

No. That would do more harm than good. Residents of this colony are already panicky enough which, I don't doubt, is precisely why they're trying so hard to enjoy themselves this evening.

Yes, sir.

OOOH!

LETTERS FROM LONDON ALL LOST OUT AT SEA!

COLONIAL FEVER, BILLIARDS AND BEER

THIS ISLAND HELL WILL KILL MY CAREER!

OOOH!

ALL OUR POLICEMEN ASLEEP AT THEIR POSTS!

I KEEP ON DREAMING OF OLD LANCASHIRE!

IS ANYONE LEAVING?

WHAT DID I HEAR?!

I SAID, IS ANYONE LEAVING?

OH, YES, WE VOLUNTEER!

AHEE is pacing back and forth in the parlor at the E-Sing Bakery in Spring Garden, worried about her brother. A female SERVANT (ALOY) stands near her.

Madam, please stop worrying; your brother will be fine. He is the kind of man who knows how to take care of himself.

I wish I could believe that. If only the British-

Brother?

Good evening, Ahee, I-

Aloy, would you please bring tea and fruit for our guest?

It's so late. I thought you were my...I mean-

Forgive me. I was delayed. If it's too late, I can-

No. No, please sit down. I'm glad you came.

Is something wrong? You seem agitated.

No! I mean, it's nothing; I just thought I heard something. Oh! You brought a London newspaper.

Yes. I promised. And I have a surprise for you, also.

It's beautiful. Is it for me?

It certainly is. I hope it fits you.

I love it. How did you learn to buy women's bonnets?

Well, I had a bit of help from the wife of my host.

You told someone you were coming to meet with me?

I told someone that I had met a lady of fashion and I desired to present her with a suitable bonnet.

It's beautiful.

Now, please read to me. I want to know everything that befalls ladies and gentlemen of fashion.

Newspapers seldom print what really "befalls" ladies and gentlemen of any sort. If they did, they'd be shut down.

Charles, stop teasing! You know what I mean.

Oh, all right. Let me see. (reading the paper) In ladies fashion velvet is now worn with trimmings of a brighter color than the dress. And in London, red-and-blue motorized tin plates will be set up at street crossings to protect ladies and gentlemen from the danger of speeding horse carriages. And in-

Shall I continue?

Oh! Yes, yes! I was just thinking that if I were a lady...

Now, why on earth do you so much want to be a lady?

Why? Because I was once...and if I were a lady, I could...I mean, you could...we could...

Yes?

IF I WERE A LADY, I'D KNOW WHAT TO WEAR! VELVET WITH TRIMMINGS, I'D NEVER HAVE TO GUESS! VELVET WITH TRIMMINGS, IF WISHING FOR SUCCESS! VELVET WITH TRIMMINGS, TO PROPERLY IMPRESS! VELVET WITH TRIMMINGS...

Yes?

THE TRIMMINGS...

Yes?

MUST BE BRIGHTER THAN THE DRESS!

Yes! And what else?

What else? You mean...if I were a lady?

No "if's" - you are...

IF I WERE A LADY I COULD LIVE IN YOUR WORLD; WHERE A WOMAN IS FREE AND PRIVILEGED TO BE A PASSIONATE WIFE.

BUT IN MY WORLD A WOMAN MUST NOT SPEAK OF LOVE; SHE MUST HIDE EVERY FEELING NEVER REVEALING HER SORROW IN LIFE. HER SORROW IN LIFE.

When I look at you, I do not see sorrow; I see only a beautiful lady wearing a beautiful bonnet.

IF I WERE A LADY I'D KNOW HOW TO TRAVEL
WHEN THE TIN PLATE IS BLUE STEER HORSES ON THROUGH!

WHEN THE TIN PLATE IS RED?

I'LL HALT THEM INSTEAD!

AND WHEN THE PLATE DOESN'T SAY?

NO MATTER, I'LL RIDE THE OTHER WAY!

AND WHEN YOU FORGET WHAT TO DO?

NO MATTER. (SHE moves beside him) I'LL RIDE BESIDE YOU!

Ahee, you are a most beautiful woman.

Chinese poets would not find me beautiful; they say a woman's hair...

A woman's hair...?

Her hair should be as black as a crow's wing...

And what should her eyes be?

Her eyes should be as limpid as pond water in autumn and her eyebrows should be arched like rainbows and...

And...?

And her cheeks should be as crimson as the almond flower and...

Yes?

Her lips should be as red as the dawn of a new day...

Ahee, you are very lovely by any measure; don't you know that?

I think you have known many women; and I'm sure you've been in love many times.

Never.

May I ask why?

I have never been loved by a lady.

And if you were?

IF I WERE LOVED BY A LADY...

Yes?!

I MIGHT FAINT DEAD AWAY!
MY HEART WOULD START POUNDING!
MY CHEST WOULD FEEL TIGHT!
MY PULSE RATE, ASTOUNDING!
MY HEAD WOULD FEEL LIGHT!

AND THE DOCTORS BY YOUR BED?

GOOD SIRS, I BEG YOUR PARDON!

IT'S NOT THAT YOU ARE DEAD?

I'M IN LOVE!

IN LOVE?!

WITH A LADY!

A LADY?! I BEG YOUR PARDON!

WITH A LADY! FROM SPRING GARDEN!

NEVER DOUBT YOU'LL ALWAYS BE A LADY
AND I NEVER WILL FORGET
YOU'RE NOT MINE AND YET
HOW COULD I FORESEE
ON THE DAY WE MET
WHAT YOU WOULD MEAN TO ME.

NEVER DOUBT YOU'LL ALWAYS BE A LADY
ALWAYS HOLD YOUR HEAD UP HIGH
AND NEVER DENY
FEELINGS THAT ARE NEW
FEELINGS THAT JUSTIFY
MY BEING AND MY BEING HERE WITH YOU

IF I WERE A LADY
I COULD LIVE IN YOUR WORLD
WHERE A WOMAN IS FREE
AND PRIVILEGED TO BE
A PASSIONATE WIFE.

BUT IN MY WORLD A WOMAN
MUST NOT SPEAK OF LOVE;
SHE MUST HIDE EVERY FEELING
NEVER REVEALING
HER SORROW IN LIFE
HER SORROW IN LIFE

NEVER DOUBT YOU’LL ALWAYS BE A LADY
AND I NEVER WILL FORGET
YOU’RE NOT MINE AND YET
HOW COULD I FORESEE
ON THE DAY WE MET
WHAT YOU WOULD MEAN TO ME.

NEVER DOUBT YOU’LL ALWAYS BE A LADY
ALWAYS HOLD YOUR HEAD UP HIGH, AND NEVER DENY
FEELINGS THAT ARE NEW
FEELINGS THAT JUSTIFY
MY BEING AND MY BEING HERE WITH YOU - I WILL BE WITH YOU

WE CANNOT JUSTIFY
FEELINGS THAT WE SHARE (MY LADY)
WE CAN ONLY DARE...

A lady like you should not be so alone.

If I were a lady...would I be doing this?

If there is guilt, it is more mine than yours.

Ahee, I-

Please, Charles. Don't say anything. No man has ever kissed me like that before. Now I understand what love is for...it is to feel alive! But this feeling...is new for me.

And for me. (HE holds her) May I come tomorrow?

Yes.

Yes!

PRECIOUS GIFT

SOMEONE HAS OFFERED ME HIS HEART
SOMEONE HAS COME TO ME FROM OUT OF MY DREAM

SPARROW, PLEASE,
TELL ME IF I SHOULD GIVE MY LOVE

DO I DARE?

DO I-

Brother...Brother?!

Brother. No. No. No. What have I done?! (to a poisoner) Use your knife! We must get the bullet out!

Sister...I almost made it. But the soldiers-

No! I won't let you die. (to a poisoner) Get a doctor!

Shhh! Sister, there is no time. (in pain) Listen to me. We lost half of our arsenic. We must go back.

Sister, will you...I have no right to ask...

Yes. Yes! I will go. I will get whatever you need. Only please don't die, brother. Please!

Sister...what...is...on...your...head?

Brother? Brother! No! Brother!

AHEE, COME AWAY NOW. HE IS DEAD

HOW COULD THIS BE?

WE HAD ALL THE POISON FOR THE BREAD

BECAUSE OF ME!

BUT THE SOLDIERS SEEMED TO KNOW OUR PLAN

WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

WE LOST HALF THE POISON WHEN WE RAN

I AM THE ONE!

WE WILL TRY AGAIN TOMORROW NIGHT

MY GUILT WILL GROW

BUT WE NEED MORE POISON FOR THE FIGHT!

BUT THIS I KNOW

HOW? WITHOUT MORE SILVER WE CAN'T BUY!

IF HE MUST PAY

WE'LL FIND A WAY EVEN IF WE DIE!

THEN SO WILL THEY!

HERE ARE ALL THE SILVER BARS THAT I WILL NEED!
THANKS TO BRITISH OFFICIALS AND TO THEIR GREED!
YONG-SANG WAS RIGHT! I ALONE MUST GO!
I WOULD NOT LISTEN TO HIM THEN - BUT NOW I KNOW!
ALL MY DREAMS HAVE DIED, I AM NO LONGER BOUND!
I AM NO LONGER BLIND - THERE IS NO MIDDLE GROUND!
NO IN-BETWEEN - NO PLACE TO HIDE!
WHEN DANGER COMES BOTH GODS AND MEN MUST CHOOSE A SIDE!

If one of our men could not succeed, how can a woman alone get past the sentries?

You know the great white house on the corner of Pottinger and Wellington Streets? (HE nods) Take this message to the American doctor there. Make certain only he sees it.

BROTHER, GIVE ME STRENGTH, AND PLEASE ACCEPT THIS KISS
AND IF YOUR SOUL CAN HEAR ME, LET IT HEAR THIS
ALL THAT YOU DID - WAS NOT IN VAIN
I WILL CARRY OUT YOUR PLAN AND THEN - THEY'LL FEEL MY PAIN!

SHE IS A WOMAN, SHE SHOULDN'T FIGHT!

I'LL BRING THE POISON HERE TOMORROW NIGHT!

SHE HAS TO GO!

LET HER FIGHT THIS WAR!

AND NOW, I UNDERSTAND WHAT LOVE IS FOR!

ANOTHER KINSMAN HAS BEEN SLAIN!

THEIR WEAPONS CONQUER US WITH EASE!

I AM A WOMAN, YES! BUT, NOW...I'M OFF MY KNEES!

FOR THIS FIGHT WE NEED A WOMAN!

I AM A WOMAN, YES! BUT, FIRST...I AM CHINESE!

AH-LUM is sitting at his cluttered desk working with an abacus. He is every inch the harassed businessman. JOHN AVERY appears and stands in front of AH-LUM's desk. The BAKER, startled, stops working his abacus and looks up.

Good afternoon, Ah-lum.

Mr. Avery. Please sit down. May I offer you tea?

Thank you, no. My business is very brief. As you know, I am the Chief Administrative Assistant to Governor Bowring. Today, however, I am here in an unofficial capacity. You...savvy?

I savvy.

Good. Then you savvy that Sir John, being a very busy man, must often leave various details to others. For example, such matters as the awarding of certain business contracts have of necessity become my area of responsibility.

I see. Then your position is a very important one.

Yeees. Now then, I-

My husband, I must speak with you. (AH-LUM hesitates) Please!

Excuse me, Mr. Avery.

Certainly.

What is it?! Can you not see I am-

Forgive me, my husband, but I must reserve space on the Macau steamer if we are to return to your village for our New Year.

You know I cannot leave now. I have too much business unsettled. Who will supervise the bakers?

My husband, I can feel the danger here.

It is probably more dangerous for me there than here.

You could return to Hong Kong on the steamer the same evening. And the fortune-tellers say it is an auspicious time to take Yong-sang to his ancestral tombs.

Enough! All right! Be ready to leave on the steamer tomorrow at daybreak.

Yes, my husband. And thank you.

Ahee...I am sorry about Yong-sang. But the British may question me about his activities and I have more than enough worries here. You should understand it is in our own interest to be of some use to men like John Avery. Sometimes there is no way to avoid doing things we dislike.

I understand perfectly, my husband.

I am sorry. My back-of-the-house person needs guidance.

I dare say my...back-of-the-house person gives me a spot of trouble from time to time. Now, as I was saying, I understand that you've placed another bid to deliver bread to the commissariat and I do realize nearly all foreigners in Hong Kong take their bread from your shop but-

Yes, that is true. They know my bread is the best. First chop!

I dare say. Still, there are, of course, other bids against you, and I am in a position to know that, unfortunately, your bid is not the lowest.

Not the lowest?

No. But as I feel strongly that no expense should be spared for our troops, it might be possible to make an...arrangement whereby I could exercise some influence in helping you keep the contract. Hong Kong, I'm sure you understand, is that sort of place-

Where the left hand washes the right hand and both hands wash the face!?

Quite! In Hong Kong, everyone learns to ride the wagon.

Ride the wagon?

Yes, we speak of tacit understandings for mutual benefit, such as ours, as 'riding the wagon'. If one does not wish to engage in such practices, that is all well and good; but as you wish to have your baking contract renewed, I wish compensation for my efforts on your behalf...

AH-LUM, MY FRIEND, I'D LIKE TO OFFER A BIT OF ADVICE
BECAUSE, FOR A CELESTIAL, YOU'RE RATHER NICE;
AND IT'S BEST YOU PAY ATTENTION
FOR I SUGGEST - I DARE NOT MENTION
A MEANS BY WHICH YOU MIGHT EARN A BIT MORE RICE
IN HONG KONG-

IF YOU'RE HONEST ALL THE DAY
THEN, AT NIGHT, JUST LOOK THE OTHER WAY;
IF YOU TRY TO INTERFERE
THEN, YOU MIGHT JUST DISAPPEAR
OH, DEAR, I SAY! OH, DEAR, I SAY!

RIDE THE WAGON! RIDE THE WAGON!
IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU SEE
IN THE BRITISH COLONY
YOU MAY DERIDE IT - OR WALK BESIDE IT
BUT NEVER EVER TRY TO STOP - OR GUIDE IT!

THOSE WHO TRY TO CHANGE THE WORLD ARE MOST INEPT
IT'S AN HONORED CHINESE CUSTOM TO ACCEPT;
WE ADMIRE BRAVE CRUSADERS
BUT WE ARE SIMPLE TRADERS
AND IT'S NICE TO KNOW SOME CUSTOMS WILL BE KEPT!

IT'S A SIMPLE RULE OF THUMB
FOR TODAY AND DAYS TO COME:
WHEN YOU'RE BAKING UP SOME BREAD
MAKE SURE EVERYONE IS FED!
DON'T WASTE A CRUMB! DON'T WASTE A CRUMB!

RIDE THE WAGON! RIDE THE WAGON!
IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU SEE
IN THE BRITISH COLONY
YOU MAY DERIDE IT - OR WALK BESIDE IT
BUT NEVER EVER TRY TO STOP - OR GUIDE IT!

IT ISN'T EASY TO DESCRIBE - SOME SAY "DONATION"
BUT NEVER CALL IT "BRIBE" -

IT'S "COMPENSATION"!

SEE THE LION AND THE DRAGON
BOTH ARE SMART AND RIDE THE WAGON
ENGLISH SERVANTS IN THE EAST
SHOULD DO WELL -

TO SAY THE LEAST!

THERE WERE THOSE WHO SEEMED TO MIND
BUT, MY FRIEND, I THINK YOU'LL FIND
THEIR PALMS WERE GREASED! THEIR PALMS WERE GREASED!

RIDE THE WAGON! RIDE THE WAGON!
IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU SEE
IN THE BRITISH COLONY - THEN WHAT?
YOU MAY DERIDE IT - AH, YES - OR WALK BESIDE IT
BUT NEVER EVER TRY TO STOP! BUT NEVER EVER TRY TO STOP!
OR GUIDE IT! DON'T STOP - JUST RIDE! RIDE! RIDE! RIDE!
RIDE! RIDE! RIDE! JUST RIDE! RIDE! RIDE!

CHARLES TAYLOR and AHEE are just exiting a small boat on the Hong Kong side of the harbor. AHEE is carrying a lantern. As they walk a few steps along the pier, an armed British SENTRY approaches them.

Halt!

Dr. Charles Taylor here. Returning from seeing a patient on the Kowloon side.

All right, Dr. Taylor, you may pass. (eyeing AHEE suspiciously, if not lasciviously as well) But my orders are to search John Chinaman from head to toe and that includes-

The lady is with me.

All right, then, sir, she may pass. But I would be a bit careful about going to Kowloon without an armed escort if I were you. In times like these, it pays to keep your weather eye open.

It is a doctor's responsibility to treat illness when and where it strikes, private, but I thank you for your advice. Goodnight.

Charles, thank you for your help. I know I shouldn't have troubled you but I was so worried.

Well, you can stop worrying. Your cousin will be fine. I'm sure his fever will be gone in a day or two. (another yawn) I'm sorry, I don't know why I feel so sleepy. Oh! I almost forgot.

Your herbal medicine.

Thank you for carrying it...Charles?

Yes?

I will never forget you.

Forget me? I shan't let you forget me. I'm going to be seeing a great deal of you, am I not?

As long as you want to see me, you shall.

Sometimes you are such a mystery to me. But, rest assured, I shall always want to see you. (stifling a yawn) Forgive me, I must be more tired than I thought. Now, goodnight.
 

No, Charles. It is not a good night; it is a bad night. A very bad night.